To Joanna & Eve
学会“忘记”，忘记自己无法承载的东西，
对自己就是一种最简单的释放；
忘记一个错误的开始，就可能得到一个正确的结束；
忘记曾经盲目的选择，就可以争取一个清醒的拥有。
午夜梦醒，发现原来我还是我；
依然执着、依然“记得”
我忘不了痛，却重重地伤他的心
他的努力、他的畏惧、他的关心
他的腼腆、他的顾虑
我看在眼里
换作以前的我会感动
可是，现在的我一点感觉都没有
我忘了心里的悸动是怎样的
微笑说声“谢谢”，我看见他眼里的落寞
原来
冷漠也可以这么伤
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Suffocating*+
Busy life starts.
Yeah, it starts.
I am almost suffocated under the pressure from surrounding.
Not from lecturers, not from daddy or mummy, not from grandpa or grandma.
But from someone.......................
and also the surrounding, the environment.
I am not the hardworking one,
but I will try to be.
I need my "kiasuness" back.
So that, I can excel.
Excellence means much?
I couldn't argue much on this.
Why i blog again?
The question is unsolved.
I need a space to breathe.
I need someone to talk, to gossip.
But YOU are not here anymore.
What should I do?
Continue with my life and go ahead.
I want to fly
SES spirit will be with me all the time.
Yeah, it starts.
I am almost suffocated under the pressure from surrounding.
Not from lecturers, not from daddy or mummy, not from grandpa or grandma.
But from someone.......................
and also the surrounding, the environment.
I am not the hardworking one,
but I will try to be.
I need my "kiasuness" back.
So that, I can excel.
Excellence means much?
I couldn't argue much on this.
Why i blog again?
The question is unsolved.
I need a space to breathe.
I need someone to talk, to gossip.
But YOU are not here anymore.
What should I do?
Continue with my life and go ahead.
I want to fly
SES spirit will be with me all the time.
I am SES girl
Saturday, January 16, 2010
God Bless
All the rumors attacked me recently.
I don't want to know anything from you anymore.
It is 2010 now, the story has come to an end long long time ago.....
I ever read a book on that problem.
The book pointed out my problem directly.
I understood that I was still in the incomplete world.
I couldn't persuade myself to forgive and forget.
Somehow, I wonder those who boast around that "I can forgive XXX", hey man! Are you serious in your words?
Are you really kind enough to forgive that particular people or whatever for what they had done?
Anyway, just a past.
crossing my fingers, sincerely pray that everything will be fine.
He is my destiny.
Sometimes,
God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
He breaks our heart to make us whole.
He sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes,
He sends us failure so we can be humble.
He takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything we have.
God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
He breaks our heart to make us whole.
He sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes,
He sends us failure so we can be humble.
He takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything we have.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Life
Busy life.
Busy semester.
with endless critical thinking.
**I wonder if I will grow white hair or not.**
Mobile phone lost.
Life still has to move on.
It's the journey.
It's my choice.
I don't know I make a right choice or how.
I only know...................I want to change.
I want to become braver, tougher, and maybe fairer...lolzz......
I was tired.
Somehow, I want to rest....
Busy semester.
with endless critical thinking.
**I wonder if I will grow white hair or not.**
Mobile phone lost.
Life still has to move on.
It's the journey.
It's my choice.
I don't know I make a right choice or how.
I only know...................I want to change.
I want to become braver, tougher, and maybe fairer...lolzz......
I was tired.
Somehow, I want to rest....
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Bad day
It was Friday.
I went to Times Square with angelina, chui lim and amy.
We tried fish spa, shopping and eating good food.
But then, it was the nightmare when on the way we back to SA.
We were a few seconds later and missed the KTM.
So, we waited for another KTM for almost 30 minutes.
We chatted about this and that at the platform as usual.
Half an hour later, KTM reached.
We squeezed and pulled or been pulled or pushed or maybe been pushed by crowds.
Just that sudden, I fell.
My foot stuck at the separation between platform and KTM.
I still remembered that I even shouted out, "DON PULL ME"
But still, my right hand been pulled.
I lost my balance n trying to keep myself in balance by grabbing the pole beside.
That's the moment when the crime happened.
Yes, I was angry, shocked.
My mind went blank.
What the H? My hp was gone. My pocket was empty. I searched everywhere.
We called, but I couldn't hear the ringing tone.
What on earth is this?
This is what we called civillisation.
This is what we called BIG city.
This is what we called city with HIGH living standard.
Yeah, HIgh!!! HIGH tactic in pulling me and grabbing my hp.
Man, pls......
I don know who you are.
Whatever you did, God sees.
Whatever you did, God knows.
He knows, and He will judge.
I am speechless for these few days. What is the main point for crying?
I felt helpless, I wanna cried. But, I don't have tears.
I know this is not the right time for me to shedding tears there.
I have to settle it.
This is not Sibu, this is WEST MALAYSIA.
One malaysia right?
I hope I can support this til the end of my life since the incident happened.
Mummy called me, we quarreled and together speechless.
She worried about the photos in hp been misused.
Asking me thousands and hundreds times, "WHY DO YOU SAVE PHOTOS IN HP?"
I know she is worrying about me, I bear.
Til last, she speechless, me too.
Both of us remained silent for few seconds.
And she started again...blablablablabla...........................
My tears rolled down.
I was stubborn, I wiped it and shouted back, THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT FROM YOU.
I M WORRYING ENOUGH AND STRESSED ENOUGH IN THIS SUCKING ATMOSPHERE. I FELT HELPLESS, AND NOW YOU BLABLA NON STOP.
well, I admitted I was rebellious.
I was.........................and I am.
I am stressed and thinking of relaxing BUT it turned out to be like that.
Everything screwed me up!
I was tired.
I was exhausted!
I was speechless.
The memories in hp all gone.
Just like what happened to you and me, it was gone!
Julius said, "God gives you a chance to let go the past and start of something new."
Thanks, Julius.
I know I should.
Bye.
God bless.
I went to Times Square with angelina, chui lim and amy.
We tried fish spa, shopping and eating good food.
But then, it was the nightmare when on the way we back to SA.
We were a few seconds later and missed the KTM.
So, we waited for another KTM for almost 30 minutes.
We chatted about this and that at the platform as usual.
Half an hour later, KTM reached.
We squeezed and pulled or been pulled or pushed or maybe been pushed by crowds.
Just that sudden, I fell.
My foot stuck at the separation between platform and KTM.
I still remembered that I even shouted out, "DON PULL ME"
But still, my right hand been pulled.
I lost my balance n trying to keep myself in balance by grabbing the pole beside.
That's the moment when the crime happened.
Yes, I was angry, shocked.
My mind went blank.
What the H? My hp was gone. My pocket was empty. I searched everywhere.
We called, but I couldn't hear the ringing tone.
What on earth is this?
This is what we called civillisation.
This is what we called BIG city.
This is what we called city with HIGH living standard.
Yeah, HIgh!!! HIGH tactic in pulling me and grabbing my hp.
Man, pls......
I don know who you are.
Whatever you did, God sees.
Whatever you did, God knows.
He knows, and He will judge.
I am speechless for these few days. What is the main point for crying?
I felt helpless, I wanna cried. But, I don't have tears.
I know this is not the right time for me to shedding tears there.
I have to settle it.
This is not Sibu, this is WEST MALAYSIA.
One malaysia right?
I hope I can support this til the end of my life since the incident happened.
Mummy called me, we quarreled and together speechless.
She worried about the photos in hp been misused.
Asking me thousands and hundreds times, "WHY DO YOU SAVE PHOTOS IN HP?"
I know she is worrying about me, I bear.
Til last, she speechless, me too.
Both of us remained silent for few seconds.
And she started again...blablablablabla...........................
My tears rolled down.
I was stubborn, I wiped it and shouted back, THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT FROM YOU.
I M WORRYING ENOUGH AND STRESSED ENOUGH IN THIS SUCKING ATMOSPHERE. I FELT HELPLESS, AND NOW YOU BLABLA NON STOP.
well, I admitted I was rebellious.
I was.........................and I am.
I am stressed and thinking of relaxing BUT it turned out to be like that.
Everything screwed me up!
I was tired.
I was exhausted!
I was speechless.
The memories in hp all gone.
Just like what happened to you and me, it was gone!
Julius said, "God gives you a chance to let go the past and start of something new."
Thanks, Julius.
I know I should.
Bye.
God bless.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Daddy
I love my daddy
He is the best daddy in the world.
My roommate sometimes ever asked me, "Why are you usually calling your daddy instead of mummy?"
I answered, "Daddy is easier and more topics to talk to."
Well, actually daddy and mummy share equal importance to me.
But, in my deepest heart, I'm closer to dear daddy.
Just like last night, I bought a water filter in order to improve my convenience of getting drinking water supply. When I reached the hostel, I was really disappointed. The water filter's "HEAD" doesn't fix into the pipe. What can I do?
I think of daddy.
He always solves the problem with his bare hands, his wisdom.
I tried with my so-called "intelligence".
Finally, I did it!!!!
The first thing I did after that moment is messaging my daddy.
Telling him, his daughter is PRO. haha.=P
Daddy, I know your expectation on me.
AND I promise you NOW and FOREVER that I will never let you down!
I am Cindy Lau......your eldest daughter.
I want to be the daughter that you are proud of!
I want to let those that look down on you to know that YOU have a good daughter and the best one.
my shy daddy and me *love love**
He is the best daddy in the world.
My roommate sometimes ever asked me, "Why are you usually calling your daddy instead of mummy?"
I answered, "Daddy is easier and more topics to talk to."
Well, actually daddy and mummy share equal importance to me.
But, in my deepest heart, I'm closer to dear daddy.
Just like last night, I bought a water filter in order to improve my convenience of getting drinking water supply. When I reached the hostel, I was really disappointed. The water filter's "HEAD" doesn't fix into the pipe. What can I do?
I think of daddy.
He always solves the problem with his bare hands, his wisdom.
I tried with my so-called "intelligence".
Finally, I did it!!!!
The first thing I did after that moment is messaging my daddy.
Telling him, his daughter is PRO. haha.=P
Daddy, I know your expectation on me.
AND I promise you NOW and FOREVER that I will never let you down!
I am Cindy Lau......your eldest daughter.
I want to be the daughter that you are proud of!
I want to let those that look down on you to know that YOU have a good daughter and the best one.
my shy daddy and me *love love**Saturday, January 2, 2010
A new year
New year with new resolutions?
That is what in almost everyone's mind.
I don't know what is the "NEW" meant to me.
I only know that 2010 is a tough year for me.
I must concentrate.
I must show my power at full blast.
I must ignore all the rumours.
I must forget the unhappiness, leaving them in the previous year, let them be forgotten as time passes.
It is a new year for me.
I must appreciate God since I can still alive and sitting in front of the laptop, writting this blog. =)
TER 95
is my GOAL.
Gambateh! =)
That is what in almost everyone's mind.
I don't know what is the "NEW" meant to me.
I only know that 2010 is a tough year for me.
I must concentrate.
I must show my power at full blast.
I must ignore all the rumours.
I must forget the unhappiness, leaving them in the previous year, let them be forgotten as time passes.
It is a new year for me.
I must appreciate God since I can still alive and sitting in front of the laptop, writting this blog. =)
TER 95
is my GOAL.
Gambateh! =)
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不知道自己的感觉器官是否在受伤后失去一部份的知觉呢？
当她第一次把全部的感情寄托他，却结束得这么唯美
是
今日的另一个他，比他更值得我去爱
不明白自己。。
我忘了
爱一个人的感觉。。。
到底何为爱？
也许今天我们可以大声说爱
但明天，后天，到将来，
谁能确定我们还能如今日般彼此相爱。。。
未来是个未知数。。。
不希望后悔。。。
不希望分开
不希望再次心碎
My answer :
始终不能编写一段唯美的故事
徒留凄凉与遗憾
一片灰暗
眼前的路
不曾晴朗