永远都无法实现的梦

He asked, " Is pharmacy one of your dreams?"
My answer is, " NO. My dream is to become a DOCTOR." =.=!!
I know, I had signed my contract in which stated my major is PHARMACY, not MEDICINE.

That's my choice.
This noon, studying physics electromagnetic waves, brought to mind this quote from Reader Digest :

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."
(actually, I had no idea about the relationship between this quote and physics XD)

Giving up my dream to become a doctor was the hardest decision that I ever made.
I know, my mother who brainwashed me to be outstanding since young, was indeed disappointed with my decision.
I would never forget how disappointed she was when she heard that I had actually put pharmacy as my choice in application form without her acknowledgment. ='(

"十八年来的栽培, 你就这样的回报我?那我辛苦栽培你是为了什么?
我就希望你念医科!!"

As a result, we didn't talk to each other for 2 weeks. =.=
Sorry, Mom. I know it's hard for you to accept my decision.
I myself indeed couldn't accept it.
Don't worry. I never blame you for those words.
Daddy is right. You are just having high expectation to me. So, when I went against your wish, you were so angry. XP

It is not the problem with the tough course.
I believe that I can bear with 5 years studies in university.
My mom's father had actually inspired me to think and plan for my future.
I admit that I am a sensitive girl. I drop tears for everything that I feel sorry or sad.
I feel guilty easily if the situation goes wrong and even worse if I actually can change it.

I would never forget the emotionless face of the doctor who announced my grandfather's death.
I would never forget how he said, " Sorry, kamu boleh masuk bila nurse kata boleh."
I would never forget the scene that my uncles, aunts, grandma and mom cried hopelessly in front of the doctor.
Instead of comforting them, he took over the file from the nurse, and asked, "Where is the doctor who is going to take over my shift?" =.=

Before filling the application form, I told mom about this matter.
I can't be as emotionless as that doctor if I fail to save one's life.
I can't pretend that nothing happens when the family of deceased cry hopelessly in front of me.
I will feel guilty, remorse for the entire life.
And yes, the career is a life-long journey.
Throughout the 20, 30 years of being a doctor, how am I suppose to bear with those cases that I fail to save?
Whenever I think of this, I hesitate.
Mom told me, " 做久了就会习惯了....生死有命,你不能每次都把人医好, 救活.....总有救不回的...."
=.= mummy ahh......我接受唔到咯

I still remembered when I was in primary school, I told my parents,

" I want to be a doctor, then I can take care of both of you and grandparents. I want to be a good doctor, not like those who fail to detect my grandma's heart diseases." ==

Mummy, daddy, I'm so sorry.

Mummy, 从不能接受到接受, I know you had hard time.
Sorry being 任性,我真的只想做我自己
从小,你教的, 我从不敢忘记
你要我突出,我努力考得最好
你希望我名列前茅,我做到了 (除了现在不能啊~~~~)
惟有pharmacy,对不起,你最引以为傲的女儿令你失望了
但是,妈咪,从你目前担心我的学业来看,我知道你还是接受了我是未来药剂师
哈哈哈哈哈哈
妈咪,安啦!你女儿我OKAY 的 =.=